Warning: This article is definitely not for the ones who think “Swara Bhaskar is under her character while masturbating” or “Radhika Apte has lost it while engaging in sexual acts with a student” or “Kiara Advani must not do roles where she has to reside to vibrators because her husband is unable to help her out”.
But, this is certainly for those who are looking to come out with their fantasies and desires on the bed, with whoever, in whatever positions, at whichever location. And for those who are willing to believe that sexual fantasies are a part of human nature and can be a need, be it physical, psychological or social.
“What were you thinking while filming yourself on the bed?” “Who likes to see their images and videos while indulging into sexual acts?” “Even if you like to, you shouldn’t have got them recorded.” Somebody who has always desired to get her intimate pictures and video recordings with her partner answered these questions into “I don’t know why. I just like it,” after those pictures were leaked out into public. It was recently after the mishap, that she started gaslighting herself into thinking that she was rather stupid to believe that this act was kinky.
Women who express a sexual desire or pursue sexual pleasure tend to be judged as promiscuous, unlike sexually active men who are heroic studs. While the men are praised; the women are slut-shamed. Men may not have had the opportunity to learn about women’s pleasure or what it’s like to prioritize or even consider women in sex and relationships.
To challenge entrenched cultural expectations, we need to invite discussion about sexual needs and preference in the public domain, in health care, and in relationships. And this is when I stumbled upon this initiative called Oh My Hrithik on Instagram, where they talk about various sexual fantasies a woman can have in her lifetime. And to my surprise, there were numerous of them I never knew can be desirable by women. There are also a few women, who are coming out openly about their longings in bed. One of these stories is shared by actress Radhika Apte, who in support of the idea shared her bedtime fantasy, with the platform.
OMH was started by five college-going women in Mumbai who were eagerly talking about their respective ‘lust stories’ in real life. That is when their classmates got awkward and disturbed by this conversation. The group then realized that it is something not to be disturbed of, but to be out loud.
Kriti, one of the co-founders informed Qweed that there were not only the boys in class who were getting uncomfortable, but this talk moved a lot of girls also in discomfort. “This is not how it should have been. Had this been a boys’ group talking about fantasies, this discomfort might not have happened. When it comes to female pleasure and masturbation, only then it becomes something to be uncomfortable about.”
“Our initiative is not at all about men vs women. It is just that we want it to not be a taboo. This should be normalized. In life, there are already a lot of things giving you anxiety; sexual fantasy should not be one of them. Masturbation is supposed to relieve you and not to send you into a guilt trip.”
Considering porn videos, do you really think women get relief and an idea of sexual pleasure while they watch porns? Most pornography is made by men, for men. What it depicts, therefore, tends to cater to what the makers assume men might find pleasurable.
Pornography communicates specific, detailed models of gendered relationships and heterosexual behavior relevant to the representation of men’s pleasure, including their sexual and social dominance. Since each person is different and the idea of sexuality is subjective, communication and experimentation are essential for a woman to understand how she experiences pleasure on any occasion.
Many times, after watching porn, women’s focus generally doesn’t tend to be on what pleasures them, but they mostly go into thinking about what pleasures their partner. So generally it is assumed by their partners that they would go by their preferences in the porn, even when the women don’t enjoy the acts.
The name Oh My Hrithik is nothing about actor Hrithik Roshan, as I was told. A random thought by the founders of OMH after the video of the comedian Sumukhi Suresh came out where she was applauding Radhika Apte’s act in Lust Stories. She meanwhile explained how masturbation can be done while listening to good music and thinking about Hrithik Roshan. Hrithik is considered to be one of the most desired male actors in Hindi-Film-Industry and this is what gave rise to the name of OH My Hrithik.
— Poonam sharma (@poonpoonfhus) August 9, 2018
On being asked about the backlashes on the initiative, Kriti quoted “We definitely received something here and there but luckily enough; the classmates who went uncomfortable in the class were the ones who supported us with the idea.”
The group is now carrying out sessions where they get to know the stories of women and their desires in bed. They are trying to reach out to certain colleges for their sessions and discussions. But the real struggle for these girls is to convince these Colleges. They were, however, able to conduct one of their earlier sessions in Miranda House in Delhi, which helped them to widen their reach. In the coming years, the young team aspires to spread the awareness on this issue; “in a way that nobody thinks themselves as characterless while discussing sexual needs. And that they talk about it openly without the fear of being judged.”
Another page OMGyes has garnered a lot of attention in social media by working towards the science of women pleasure. “The research combines the wisdom of over 2,000 women, ages 18-95, revealing techniques of sexual pleasure in women that hadn’t even been named yet,” the website claims where people have to go through a paywall to access the content. Some of them are:
- RHYTHM > A well-timed, almost musical loop of motion
- MULTIPLES > Overcoming sensitivity to build multiple orgasms
- FRAMING > How pleasure is mostly between the ears
- ORBITING > The million ways of circuiting the clit
The Corporates have also jumped into the wave of making people aware of female fantasies and pleasures. Durex has recently come up with the campaign on women orgasm and pleasure on the bed with #IFakedItToo keeping in mind how many women fake their orgasms while with their partners just to keep them satisfied.
View this post on Instagram
And the stories are pouring in. Girls, join the conversation and tell us about your fake orgasm story in the DM or comment below with #IFakedItToo. Guys, are you seeing this? #FakeOrgasm #OrgasmInequality . . . *Disclaimer: Names have been kept anonymous as per people’s request. *
Apart from looking into the lust stories of women especially, people in OMH have now started to express their desires with the pop-culture-references. Be it Game of Thrones or the recent World Cup, they have fantasized about almost everything.
One of the most remembered incident through this action, that remained with Kriti is the time when in one of the sessions, a girl stood up and started talking her life stories and got overwhelmed into crying. She thanked them and shared her bliss in talking about the subject for the first time. “That is when I believed that we are doing a good job. This will remain with me forever.” Kriti said.
The issue remains to be as necessary as much as it is talked about. This, however, leaves aside the unaccessible class of the society. Be it pornography, or the influencing blogs on social media, all of them heavily excludes the language and class equality. Simply stating these concepts doesn’t include those who can’t reach the internet and those who can only access the regional languages, other than English. Thus, a major portion of the population is left aside, though unintentionally, from the idea of sex, desire, and pleasure.
The act, therefore, contains a gap between the classes which is rising every day. The ideas meant and started for all women of society still reach a few. Which leaves me wondering, where are the spaces and what the ways by which the gap can be reduced?